Apologies...

I had intended to start this blog as I started a new time in my life, when I'd moved beyond Nicole and was going forward with my life as best I can. I had planned not to discuss her here, but I figure that its fitting to at least know where I am, and when something truly significant happens.
Nicole and I are taking time away from each other. How long, I don't know. A few days, a few weeks, a few months, we didn't really discuss what it'd be, but that's what it is. I don't know yet if this will save me pain, or cause me more. But that's how the cards have fallen, and I'm out of the game, essentially. Nicole feels nothing for me, and I can't say I blame her for not wanting me, after four years of not getting what she wanted.
So... I went to church today. I desperately needed some peace, and there are few places that I've ever felt calm and love and support so clearly. The only other one I could go to now is gone, so I drove to the Sacramento Temple after I left Nicole's place to quiet my mind and still my heart. It was a truly moving experience, and while I can't rectify my personal differences with the Church, I will always be amazed by the people who are there. I met old friends who welcomed me back without a moment's hesitation, who genuinely care about me. I, apprently, even have a date tomorrow night (tonight?). I can hardly call it a date with the condition my heart is in, but it is very nice to feel that outpouring of care and kindness. Much more importantly, though, the speakers today seemed as if they could be talking directly to me. I could say that I don't know what prompted me to go to church this morning, but that would be a lie. I know.
And I am better for that knowledge, because I know that there is strength beyond what I have, given to me, love beyond what I am capable of, shown to me, and wisdom beyond my few short years, available to me should I but seek it.
Now, though, it is time for me to sleep. I need it, desperately. Tomorrow... Well, tomorrow will be here soon enough and I'll deal with it then.
Until then, remember to live each day like it is your last. Tell those you love, that you love them, make peace with those who seek your forgiveness, and above all, smile, because you never know how far that simple gesture may carry.

In other news, I got an e-mail from a friend of mine about last night (reception for Jen and Shane's wedding). It is really a tremendous feeling when I'm able to do something right, that improves people's lives and helps them, and the e-mail he sent me really reminded me that I have a lot of people that I can help, whose lives I can impact in a positive way. I need to remember to smile myself, because what kind of hypocrite would I be if I didn't take my own advice?

And now, bed. Goodnight.