Just when you think you have things figured out...

A monkey comes along and throws a wrench into the cogs of your (Finally!) smoothly running machine. Fortunately, I've had so many encounters with monkey saboteurs, I am becoming quite adept at dealing with their mischief. I'm not sure yet whether that is a good thing or a bad thing.

So, this year will be an interesting one, and will certainly be vastly different than the last few. I'm looking forward to it in some ways, and dreading it in others. Change is certainly all around me, hopefully it will be change for the better. In some areas, it will be, in others, I'm not so optimistic. Regardless, change will happen, I don't exactly get a say in that.

Was very flattered this morning, it feels really good to be wanted, to feel like your efforts are noticed and appreciated. Its been a while since I really felt that way, so that is very encouraging to me. New opportunities for the new year seems rather fitting, especially when they are totally unexpected.

Not sure how I feel about a lot of things going on around me right now. I feel like things around me are very unsettled and in flux, and I don't like that. My little bit of turf that is the part of my life that I control needs to stop getting torn up by outside forces. I'm going to get better at defending myself from that, and making sure that my life doesn't get thrown into chaos at the whim of outside entities, whether they be people, events or otherwise.

So, tomorrow is Christmas. I have a bunch of unfinished projects sitting in my room that got unceremoniously dropped earlier this week, and now I'm completely at a loss as to what I should do with them. I don't want to throw my work away, but I also am not comfortable putting more effort into them right now. I guess that's what boxes are for. Ever really put a lot of throught and effort into something, and have it completely lose all meaning just before you're done with it? It sucks, a lot.

On another note, I'm planning my first adventure for the new year. :-) I'll post details on it after Christmas. Other than that, though, I'm so totally burnt out on planning and doing everything. I've been putting out so much effort and thought and consideration, I'm pretty much done with that. I'm tired of it. I feel a lot like I did when I stopped doing AMTGARD a few years back, like people in my life were just going along with what I was doing, and not contributing their own effort, not sharing the load, so to speak. So, friends that share the load are going to get a much higher priority in my life than those that don't, this year. That means I need to step it up and hang out with Big Eric, who's been calling me and trying to get together with me for a while now, and things haven't worked out. Time to make them work out, he's put forth the effort, I need to meet him halfway. That's one of my New Years resolutions.

Rather annoyed, though, at a friend who made plans without talking to me first. Not that I can say too much about it, but it would have been better if I'd known what was going on beforehand. Oh well, life goes on.

And on that note, I think I'm going to go get ready for Christmas. I hope all my faithful readers (all three of you?) have a wonderful holiday, and get to spend time with those you love and care about. Make sure you let everyone special to you know how important they are to you, life is too short to let petty differences sour a friendship, or to let laziness keep words that should be said, from being said.

Drive safe, and celebrate life!

Today...

So, finals are done, and now I find myself with an abundance of time to deal with. So, back to my to-do lists, since it'll actually keep me focused for the next month.

Today:
Watch Batman Begins to relax and find my motivation.
Work on Business Plan
Run 8 miles
Eat lunch
Read from Goodman of Paris
Work
Sleep

All in all, should be managable. Possibly. We'll see.

Life Update, again...

Well, work has been really fun, but exhausting also. School is as busy as ever, but I'm doing pretty well. Having a lighter class load has really made this semester run a lot more smoothly. Looking forward to being done, though. Emotionally, I'm doing better, still a bit of a roller-coaster sometimes, but finding a more even keel. Still hard, but life goes on. At the moment, I'm just trying to keep myself open and enjoy life without pressure and worries. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I have days where I definitely feel more defensive and that bothers me, because I can feel myself wanting to hide away, but I'm getting better at dealing with those days, and they're becoming less frequent. Thanksgiving this year is going to be a bit sad, its just my parents, grandmother and I. I'm going to miss all the family gatherings, whether its tomorrow down in Petaluma, or Saturday at my parents'. Oh well, that's how it goes sometimes.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I'll write more later.

Winter Plans

Things I want to do this Winter...

Snow-camping
Downhill Skiing
X-Country Skiing
Snowshoeing
Snowball fight
Hot Springs when its snowing (An outdoor hot tub will suffice in a pinch)
Tour of San Francisco
Visit So. Cal
Learn to speak a foreign language
Visit David Parsons
Host a Regency Dinner
Go on a horse-drawn sleigh
Go ice skating on a lake



Any other suggestions? I'm interested in trying new things, so if there is something unique that you love, let me know!

Life update

So, I'm officially employed again. This is good news, am still looking for a second job, but I suppose that for the moment, I'm very happy to have this one. I am considering a rather drastic change in my life, we'll see how that plays out, but... meh. Decisions will come in their own time and I'm not going to rush this one.

Have now been told by four people that I absolutely shouldn't join the Navy, well, the military in general, Navy they're more okay, sort of. Its interesting to see people's reactions, it reveals a lot about their feelings and thoughts when they respond to that possibility.

Had a rather flattering exchange at JC Penney's after my interview this afternoon (which, incidentally, is where I'll be working). Got offered a job on the spot, which was good, though I'm pretty sure they're doing that with a lot of people, but its good that they were willing to offer the position right away. Looking forward to that, should be a lot of fun, or at least, will be a productive and meaningful addition to my life, and further fuel my new obsession with clothes.

Speaking of clothes, I found the suit I want. It is oh-so-amazing, and not nearly as expensive as I'd have thought from looking at it. I will have this. Maybe not soon, but eventually. Or I'll make one myself... Might not be cheaper or easier.

So... Now I'm going to go try to sleep. More job-hunting tomorrow, some homework to finish up, and if I get enough done during the day, games in the evening. I'm kind of thinking about passing on that at the moment, but I'll probably end up going when the time rolls around for it tomorrow. Had fun tonight. Finally saw Transformers II, we were going to watch Le Mans, because I absolutely adore Steve McQueen, if I weren't straight, I'd find someone like him. But we couldn't find John's copy of it, so settled on Transformers instead. Also played a large game of Settlers, which I didn't realize I was dominating in quite the way that I was until after the game was over. We were playing with the River addition, which means you play to 14 Victory Points. When I announced that I'd won, thinking I'd reached 14, I realized that, in fact, I was at 16, because I forgot about one of my cities quietly hiding in the corner of the map.

So it was, all in all, a good day and a fun night. Looking forward to tomorrow and all the opportunity it holds.

And while I'd like to write something about a certain someone, I'm not sure that I should right now, so, you know who you are, and I'm thinking about you, and missing you.

Roast Lamb with Potatoes and Garlic

Certainly has been a busy cooking day for me! Made scones for breakfast (sadly not from scratch, though they were amazingly tasty), cooked a delicious soup for lunch, and finally made the dinner I'd promised my parents. I love how the recipe turned out, it was everything I'd hoped it would be. My mom even commented that it might have been the best lamb that she'd ever had. While she may have been using a touch of hyperbole, both my parents went back for seconds of the lamb and the potatoes, so I guess that says something. Personally, I loved it, and would definitely recommend this recipe to anyone interested in trying out lamb. This was the first time that I'd cooked lamb, and if I can pull this off, anyone can do it!

So, on to the recipe, as always, notes and comments follow afterwards.

1 whole leg of lamb (~4 1/2 lbs)
4 large garlic cloves, quartered lengthwise
2-3 heads of garlic, halved
2 lbs potatoes, peeled and quartered lengthwise
Juice from 1 lemon
2 cups hot water
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp chopped fresh thyme
Salt & Black Pepper
A few sprigs of fresh thyme to garnish.

Preheat the oven to 425F. Place the lamb in a large roasting pan. Make several incisions in the meat, pressing the point of a sharp knife deep into the flesh, and insert one or two quartered pieces of peeled garlic in each.

Arrange the quartered potatoes and halved heads of garlic around the meat. Pour over the lemon juice and extra virgin olive oil. Add half the water to the dish, pouring it around the lamb and not on to it. Sprinkle over half the oregano and thyme. Season with salt and pepper.

Roast the lamb for 15 minutes at 425F, then reduce the oven temperature to 375F. Roast for 1 hour, basting occasionally.

After an hour, turn the meat over so that the other side browns as well, sprinkle over the rest of the herbs and seasoning, and turn the potatoes over gently. Add the remaining hot water to the pan and cook for another 25-30 minutes, basting occasionally with the pan juices.

Remove from oven and cover the meat with a clean dish towel and rest it for 10 minutes before serving. The cloves of garlic can be popped out of their skins and eaten with the meat, they make a deliciously creamy accompaniment.

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I followed this fairly closely, and it came out great. I did go the lazy route and leave the skins on the potatoes, which I liked, and will probably do in the future. My parents suggested adding carrots to the potatoes, and I think that would be a good selection. Definitely use the roasted garlic as a spread on meat if you like garlic a lot. It was fantastic. The tips of the roast were a touch dry, but only just. The rest of the meat was fantastically moist and tender, and I'm really not sure there is anything I could have done to prevent that one very, very minor problem. I also used far more liberal amounts of the herbs than the recipe called for, largely because whenever I buy a pack of herbs like fresh thyme, I invariably don't get back to use the rest before it starts to mold, so use as much as you have, and it'll come out great. Likewise, I probably doubled or tripled the amount of oregano it called for, but I also applied it to the potatoes.

So, now I'm going to go collapse into a food coma for a few hours and let this most excellent meal digest. Leftovers tomorrow are going to be fantastic.

Broccoli Cheddar Soup

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For lunch this afternoon, I decided to try a broccoli cheddar soup, the finished product is pictured to the right. I was fairly happy with how it came out, but I'm definitely going to try a few things differently next time. So here's the recipe, and as before, my notes are added at the end...

1/4 c butter
1 onion, diced
2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp ground white pepper
16 oz frozen chopped broccoli (I used fresh instead)
1 qt chicken broth
1/2 c all-purpose flour
1 1/2 c whole milk
8 oz sharp cheddar
Salt, to taste

Melt butter over medium heat in a stockpot. Cook onion in butter until softened. Add garlic and pepper; cook for 1 minute then stir in broccoli, and stir in chicken broth. Bring to a boil and simmer until broccoli is tender, 10-15 minutes.
Meanwhile, whisk flour into milk until dissolved. Stir into soup stirring frequently until thickened. Reduce heat, and stir in cheese until melted and heated through.
Season with salt to taste.

My notes:
I followed the basic instructions fairly closely, my main departure being that I used fresh broccoli instead of frozen. This ended up leading to the broccoli being a little more firm than I expected, but certainly not bad, just not the intent. Next time, I would probably cook it partially beforehand to soften it up. The consistency was fairly good, I considered putting the entire batch in a blender and seeing what that did to it, but chose not to. I liked having the extra chunks of broccoli in there.
Definitely get some -good- cheese for something like this. The sharper and cleaner taste of an upper-tier sharp cheddar would have gone a long way towards improving this. Still, it was very good, and I'll definitely be trying it again, as well as other similar recipes.
Enjoy! As always, if you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment. Or requests of recipes to try or write about... I'm always open to experimenting!

Computer Build

At 3:15am, my mom's new computer came to life, and I immediately discovered that, as I suspected initially, her old CD drive is too old to be recognized by the new system. Sooo, a trip into my computer to get my drive, and probably bring my system home, is on the docket for the morning. Then put an order into Newegg for the Lightscribe drive we'd initially selected, and just wait for it to be in stock again. Other than that, though, everything appears to be working properly, so that is very good. And its a fantastically quiet setup, I really am liking it at this point. A new CD/DVD drive, rout the cables a little better, and it'll be up and ready to roll...

Will post pictures later.

Kao Soi

This dish makes an excellent meal for around 6 large servings, it is great for leftovers as well. I altered the original recipie slightly, I'll note my experiences and alterations at the end, but here is the recipe I started with:
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Kao Soi

3/4c Coconut Milk
1 Tbsp Red Curry Paste
1 Tsp Ground turmeric
1 lb Chicken, pre-cooked & boneless, cut or shredded into bitesize pieces

2c Coconut Milk
2c Water
3 Tbsp Fish Sauce
2 Tbsp Soy Sauce
1 Tsp salt
2 Tbsp fresh lime juice
1lb fresh chinese-style egg noodles, cooked until tender, drained, rinsed in cold water and drained again.
1/2c thinly sliced green onions

In a large, heavy-bottomed saucepan, warm 3/4c coconut milk over medium heat until it boils gently. Adjust the heat to maintain a gentle boil and cook for 6-8 minutes, stirring occasionally. The coconut cream will become fragrant as it thickens. When you see tiny pools of oil glistening on the surface, add the curry paste and turmeric and stir to dissolve the paste into the coconut cream. Continue cooking for 1-2 minutes, until the curry paste has a pleasing aroma.

Add the chicken and stir-fry to coat it evenly with the paste. Cook for about 2 minutes. Increase the heat and add the coconut milk, water, fish sauce, soy sauce, and salt; stir well. Adjust the heat to maintain a gentle, active boil and cook for 8-10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove from the heat, stir in the lime juice. Taste and adjust seasonings to your liking.

To serve, place a handful of cooked noodles in each large individual serving bowl. Ladle a serving of chicken and curry sauce into each bowl, adding a sprinkling of green onions.
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So, a couple of notes.

First, I would highly recommend boiling the chicken beforehand when cooking it, then shredding it into strips. The chunks were good, but I think shredded would fit the meal a little better.

When I did this, I halved the curry paste, because my mom does not like spicy foods, and it still had plenty of taste. Definitely adjust the curry as you like. I would probably double the curry paste if doing it for myself, but I like things a little spicy. The green onions make a great garnish that adds a nice flavor to the meal.

I also substituted a few things, and added additional ingredients. To make it a little more healthy, I added onions and bell peppers, cut into bite-size pieces, when I added the chicken. I sauteed them a little beforehand to soften them up, which was probably a good idea, but I ended up cooking the entire batch for longer than listed, so they were plenty soft by the time dinner was served.

I used Basmati rice instead of the called-for chinese noodles, and really liked it better that way. Costco happens to carry large bags of basmati rice for not much more than white rice, I'd definitely recommend trying it both ways and seeing which you prefer. Also, experiment with what vegetables you like in the mix, it adds a good extra flavor. For the bell peppers, I used yellow peppers to stay consistent with the color, given that I had the green onions to add extra color at the end, but that's a personal choice, and red or green would certainly work as well.

Also, check the cooking time on whatever you are going to put this over. Basmati rice takes about 40 minutes to fully cook, and I made the mistake of not starting that first, so we had to wait until the rice was ready. Always check the cooking times of each part of the meal. This should be common sense, but we sometimes make assumptions.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to post. Enjoy!

Apologies...

I had intended to start this blog as I started a new time in my life, when I'd moved beyond Nicole and was going forward with my life as best I can. I had planned not to discuss her here, but I figure that its fitting to at least know where I am, and when something truly significant happens.
Nicole and I are taking time away from each other. How long, I don't know. A few days, a few weeks, a few months, we didn't really discuss what it'd be, but that's what it is. I don't know yet if this will save me pain, or cause me more. But that's how the cards have fallen, and I'm out of the game, essentially. Nicole feels nothing for me, and I can't say I blame her for not wanting me, after four years of not getting what she wanted.
So... I went to church today. I desperately needed some peace, and there are few places that I've ever felt calm and love and support so clearly. The only other one I could go to now is gone, so I drove to the Sacramento Temple after I left Nicole's place to quiet my mind and still my heart. It was a truly moving experience, and while I can't rectify my personal differences with the Church, I will always be amazed by the people who are there. I met old friends who welcomed me back without a moment's hesitation, who genuinely care about me. I, apprently, even have a date tomorrow night (tonight?). I can hardly call it a date with the condition my heart is in, but it is very nice to feel that outpouring of care and kindness. Much more importantly, though, the speakers today seemed as if they could be talking directly to me. I could say that I don't know what prompted me to go to church this morning, but that would be a lie. I know.
And I am better for that knowledge, because I know that there is strength beyond what I have, given to me, love beyond what I am capable of, shown to me, and wisdom beyond my few short years, available to me should I but seek it.
Now, though, it is time for me to sleep. I need it, desperately. Tomorrow... Well, tomorrow will be here soon enough and I'll deal with it then.
Until then, remember to live each day like it is your last. Tell those you love, that you love them, make peace with those who seek your forgiveness, and above all, smile, because you never know how far that simple gesture may carry.

In other news, I got an e-mail from a friend of mine about last night (reception for Jen and Shane's wedding). It is really a tremendous feeling when I'm able to do something right, that improves people's lives and helps them, and the e-mail he sent me really reminded me that I have a lot of people that I can help, whose lives I can impact in a positive way. I need to remember to smile myself, because what kind of hypocrite would I be if I didn't take my own advice?

And now, bed. Goodnight.

Campus Attack...

On Wednesday, a student in one of the dorms on Sac State attacked his roommate with a baseball bat and a knife. He died from his injuries at the hospital later. The attacker turned on police when they arrived, brandishing the knife, and after pepperballs didn't stop him, officers drew their weapons and shot him. He is still alive, and apparently conscious at this point, but wow...

You hear about these kinds of things, but when it happens so close to home, it somehow hits you differently. The student who was attacked was a History major, he struggled with a form of Autism, but had gotten to the point where he could be independent and living on his own. He was, by all accounts, a remarkable story of perseverence and success, and to have that taken all away from you is truly tragic. More details will be revealed in the coming days as the events surrounding this begin to come together into a more coherent story, I'm sure, but for now, its odd whenever I walk on campus and look across at the dorms where this took place.

How quickly life can be taken from us, how tenuous our continued existence is on this planet...

That just makes it all the more important that we live every day to its fullest potential, that we give everything we have, that we never stop trying.

Salsa and a Meteor Shower

Had a wonderful evening last night. Ran a few errands on my way to class, found some very nice yarn for a crochet project, since I needed something to keep me busy in the evenings, stopped by Best Buy, then headed to class. Realized I forgot my backpack at home, but fortunately, I didn't really need it specifically. Class was actually one of the better ones I've had, so that went well, we got out around 7, then went over to a friend's place to cook dinner. Made an absolutely delightful butternut squash soup, I'm going to steal the recipe, it is definitely going into my collection of recipes. Afterwards, we headed out to the Davis Graduate for salsa dancing. After a bit of see-sawing, Ben finally gave in and joined us. I'm glad he did, gave me someone to sit and chat with when I wasn't dancing. The Grad was tons of fun as always, had an absolutely fantastic time, and really enjoyed the evening overall. Dancing with Sara was a lot of fun, and met a couple of new people, spent a fair amount of time watching. I really need to get some practice time in, there are a ton of things that I want to try, but don't want to start out at full speed, I need to break it down more so I don't hurt the follow... So hopefully will have an opportunity to do that in the future. We'll see.
So we'd planned on making it an early night, but decided to stay till close, so we left at 1, walked back to Ben's dorms, and then headed back to Sac around 1:30, got there just before 2. So I left Sac at right around the beginning of the peak of the meteor shower. Drove up to Shingle Springs, went to a nice dark overlook that I'd found, and sat and watched the meteor shower for about an hour. It was really fantastic. Having the moon dark made the stars absolutely amazing. Beyond amazing, stunning, overwhelming. Saw a ton of shooting stars, weren't quite as many as I'd hoped, but it was very, very impressive.
So, around 3:30ish, finally headed home, got in just before 4. Spent about 20 minutes assembling my mom's computer before I realized that the one thing that I -really- need to assemble the computer, and is only a $5 part, I'd forgotten to get. No thermal paste for me. Sooo annoyed at myself. So, need to make a trip to Best Buy or Fry's before class today, then will finish it up tonight. Just kind of annoying to have everything at hand, and then to realize you're missing the one thing that prevents me from assembling everything else. Heh.
Slept well, woke up around 7 when people started coming downstairs. Started working on some crochet, had a great breakfast, and will be shortly heading down into the shop. Lots of fun.

Computer Build

Well, everything -except- the case for my mom's computer arrived yesterday. The case will hopefully arrive today and I can get this silly little guy built and running for my mom. Its going to be a fun build, and I'm really looking forward to getting my hands on it today, hopefully the case won't arrive too late into the afternoon.

In other news, I made an amazing discovery last night which I will detail more in a post later, I'm hoping to share what I found with someone, so I'm not going to blab too much right now.

Yesterday was a tough day early on, for a number of reasons, but I feel a lot better about my friendship with Nicole now, so that is very good.

Trying to extricate my heart's feelings for Nicole, while retaining all my drive to be romantic, to care, to express emotions, is proving difficult, but time will help with that, I'm sure. Until then, I'm just trying to keep my heart from shutting down like it wants to. Its like poking a sea anemone. My heart has endured so much pain, it very much wants to close itself off and feel no more, but I don't want it to. That pain is well worth the experience of living my life the way that I am, its worth it for all that I've learned about myself. I'm not going to lose that.

Thus, trying to extricate my feelings for Nicole.

So, here's to more good days and fewer bad days. To living life to the fullest, taking each opportunity and chance as it comes, and being myself, and holding nothing back.

Here's to a good life.

Morning...

I love this kind of weather. The clouds hang thick overhead, tendrils sweeping up the valleys surrounding our home. This is the kind of weather that I love to go driving in, to explore the mists and enjoy the chilling air. Unfortunately, its also the type of weather that precludes an expedition into Desolation Wilderness, which is where I really want to be right now. But while I can handle going into Desolation alone, going there when a storm is moving in is beyond the danger I'm willing to accept in travelling solo.
So, sadly, Pyramid Peak will have to wait for another day. I'll have a post detailing my trip when I actually make it...

It is a remarkable experience when you find out who your friends are, who really cares, who reaches out, who is there when you need them, offering support and encouragement. After I cooked dinner last night (and I'll post about that later, as it was Oooh-so-yummy and very easy) I met up with my friend Kim for slightly late drinks at Denny's in Cameron Park. I was kind of planning on going dancing afterwards, but we ended up sitting and talking from 9:30 till well after 1 in the morning. It was really a lot of fun, I'm really glad that I decided to go ahead with meeting up. So much that I didn't know about her, and she is a wonderful friend.

Taylor and Sable are two others that I did not expect to become the friends that they are. They've been beyond supportive, checking in with me, letting me know they care, that they want the best for me, lending an ear, or offering advice when I need it. Inviting me down for events that they're doing, its really nice to have friends like them.

Big Eric, bless his heart, is going through as hard a time as I am, for completely different reasons. He lost his Grandmother last week, so it was a good chance for us to support each other this past weekend. When so many people that he wanted to come were busy with other things, I'm glad that I made sure I was there for him, he's certainly been there for me when I need it. We had a fantastic time, even when we were talking about the difficulties we were going through.

David Parsons, who calls me almost every other day just to check in and see how I'm doing. I love that guy, he is a fantastic support, so positive and outgoing, and whenever my phone rings and I see his name, I have to smile, because I know he's going to make me laugh. He's definitely one of the best guys I know.

John Evans and his Nicole, Clinton, Rebecca, Emily, Sara and Sara, everyone that's reached out, talked to me, supported me through everything, thank you. If I forgot your name on here, I'm sorry, but know that you are appreciated and cared for, even if your name escapes me at the moment.

I'm lucky to have friends like all of you, though I know most of you will never read this, I hope I am the kind of friend that you'd like to have too.

So... Obligatory first post

Well, its time to move forward with my life. So I've decided to change things up a little, and really make a clean start. So here we are.

Welcome to the rest of my life.